Loving LGBTQ+ People
What does it mean to love those who identify as LGBTQ+? In reality it means loving them as they are, without reservation—just like Jesus.
Throughout Scripture, we see that Jesus came to those who were on the outskirts of society. Those whom society considered dirty, and unworthy of love and attention. This includes prostitutes, tax collectors, the lame, the widow and the orphan. He didn’t discriminate based on anything that was outside of these persons control. It is this same love of God that Christians are to strive for in all that they do. In John 15:12, Jesus says “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” (ESV) Here, we are commanded to love those just like Jesus did. When we look at the stories where Jesus loved, he went against the grain of society. He spoke to women who were outcasts. (Matt 9: 20-22; Jn 4) He healed people on the Sabbath despite cultural rules against ‘work.’ (Mark 3:1-6) He didn’t let social stigma dictate who he loved.
Now there are some who would say that Jesus demonstrated love to those who were on the outside of society because it was out of their control. They would say that LGBTQ+ persons have put themselves on the margins by choosing to identify with the LGBTQ+ community. At this point I would refer them to my last blog post “‘Is Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin’ even possible?” I would draw their attention to the Identity Graph’s Part 1 and 2. In these graphs it demonstrates how integral sexuality (gay or straight) and gender identity (cis, trans, or non-binary) are to a persons identity. If you still disagree, I would ask you to think about why would someone willing choose to identify with a community that is often at greater risks for mental health crisis, discrimination in society and the workplace, and general ostratization?
So how can the Church, and people in general, practically demonstrate love?
1. Disclosure
When someone comes out to you as LGBTQ+ it means that they, most likely, deem you are a safe person to tell. This is especially true if you are the first person that they tell. When this happens, simply remain calm. Don’t overreact. They love you enough to let you in on a part of their life that they didn’t have to. If someone comes out to you, this isn’t news that needs to be gossiped about. There is no need to go back to your small group and say you have a prayer request when all you intend to do is gossip about it. Let the one who came out to you tell others. It’s part of their story, not yours.
2. Listen
When someone comes out or tells you they are LGBTQ+, instead of bombarding them with questions, listen to their story. We all have a story, and in my experience, those who are LGBTQ+ often have stories of heartache and pain. Granted this isn’t always the case, but still listen. Listen to how they have grown up living with confusion or anxiety about central parts of their identity. Often, people want to be heard and listened to instead of talked at. If you are a pastor, this is crucial to loving LGBTQ+ members of your community. Instead of spouting off theological stances or areas of church governance, wait and listen. Often the LGBTQ+ will know your stance, or assume it is non-affirming, and they just want to be heard by their pastor.
3. Journey Alongside
This is something we all want; a partner on the spiritual journey that we are all on. When someone comes out to you, don’t leave them. Don’t allow this disclosure to mean you no longer have to be part of their lives. Even if you disagree, walk with LGBTQ+ people. We are more than just being part of the LGBTQ+ community. We are students, pastors, moms, dads, siblings, aunts and uncles. We are artists, doctors, and academics. Our lives are complex just like yours. We are all in need of people to walk alongside us in this journey called life. Journeying with them doesn’t mean encouraging them to be celibate or change their identity. But it means walking alongside them through thick and thin.
4. Respect Pronouns
This is a big one, especially for non-binary conforming and transgender people. Instead of assuming someone’s gender identity and the pronouns they use, ask. It can be as simple as “Hey my name is Peter, my pronouns are he and him. What are yours?” Done. Easy. When you use someones pronouns you are affirming their humanity and dignity as a person who is created in the image of God. Once you have been told what pronouns a person prefers, use them. Don’t say okay, then go on and use pronouns that they do not identify with. That is so disrespectful and unloving. Even if you disagree. Use their pronouns. It’s that easy to love someone. A special note to pastors and Church leaders. If you are holding a meeting, and you are aware, or unaware, of a trans or non-binary conforming person is at the meeting, start the meeting by introducing yourself and your pronouns. Encourage this to become a part of the fabric of your community.
While this is not a comprehensive list, I am hoping that this will be a start. A start to clearly demonstrating love to the LGBTQ+ people in our lives, inside and outside the Church.